#020501

The only "B" word you should ever use to describe a lady is beautiful. Bitches eat that shit up.

#011601

If you don't give a shit what anyone thinks of you, the best way to make sure everyone knows that is to say it three or four times in every conversation.

#121803

The difference between a homeless guy and a hobo is that a hobo carries one of those bag on a stick thingies and teaches children in '90's Christmas movies valuable lessons about family.

#121802

It can be busy at the bank this time of year, people need to extend their lines of credit to buy the gifts that TV and radio are telling them their loved ones really want. Get yourself to the front of the line by wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. People are more than eager to get out of the way or even leave the bank completely. It just sends the message you're in a hurry and need to get skiing and shooting.

#121801

If you're going to visit Santa and tell him what you want for X-Mas, make sure you bring your lap-sanitizer.

#120802

If you're a van enthusiast and a rap enthusiast, you should combine your two passions. I did, so if you see me cruising around in my van with the personalized plates "RAP VAN", make sure you wave!

#120801

If your morning wood has moss on it, see a doctor immediately.